Accountability Partners
Are you having trouble staying focused writing your family stories and histories? If so, consider the value of an accountability partnership to encourage each other to make incremental progress toward larger goals you’ve each set and shared. It includes regular check-ins and constructive feedback, often in the form of respectful questions. An accountability partner can be the cheerleader and reality check we all need.
Accountability partners help me, and I help them, become clearer about who and what truly matters, sharpen our focus, and accomplish more that’s important to us.
In the 1990s, my friend and co-worker Mary and I encouraged each other to accomplish some personal goals. Mary managed the IT Help Desk and taught classes to help employees work smarter. She introduced me to the concepts of accountability partnerships[1] and SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable (Attainable), Relevant (Realistic), and Time-bound (Timely)).[2]
For four years, each Wednesday morning, during our 15-minute break, we listed the progress we’d made the past week and the goals we’d set for the next week. Many Tuesday evenings I scrambled to finish a goal, but I felt a surge of pleasure checking it off my list before I checked in with Mary the next day.
Mary modeled sound judgment about how much she could complete each week. I was often unrealistic about the time or energy needed to accomplish my goals. Mary’s eyes twinkled whenever she asked if my long list of goals for the coming week was realistic. Truthfully, my dad would say I’d try to stuff 10 pounds in a 5-pound sack. But with practice, I shortened my list and accomplished more with less stress.
Since 2022, my friend Jan and I have been accountability partners. We’ve known each other since the early 2000s when we were both active members of Blue Star Mothers. These days we’re both also interested in genealogy research, meeting commitments to our families and various organizations, and giving gifts of our own creation. We catch up with weekly emails about our lives and goals.
Recently Mary and I reinstated our accountability partnership and meet monthly with one-hour phone calls. We, and our goals, have changed. We still have project-oriented goals, but we’ve added others to re-prioritize what’s important and navigate this time of our lives. Our goals now include counting our blessings, connecting with loved ones, and giving grace to ourselves and to others.
I believe these two accountability partnerships, with Mary and Jan, are successful because we share mutual respect, grace for one another, and the desire to see each other succeed.
When I told Jan the topic of this article, she responded: “My accountability partners inspire me to be honest with myself about what I have accomplished and what I hope to accomplish. It makes my day and week more in focus. . . where am I going and what do I hope to get done…realistically and aspirationally. For me, it forces focus! Many times, I know I have more on my goal list than I can get accomplished, but it challenges me to see what more I can do. And looking at your goals and lists makes me think of more ways I can move forward with mine! Accountability partners don’t discourage with comments like, ‘You aren’t meeting your goals,’ or, ‘You didn’t get very much done last week.’ It’s another layer of friendship with someone you trust.”
Months ago, I printed one of Jan’s notes of encouragement and keep it next to my computer where I see it every day. It’s easier to go the distance with someone cheering us on.
Occasionally, someone comments that I’m organized. I answer truthfully, “I’m not naturally organized. I’m desperate.” Thankfully, with accountability partners like Mary and Jan, I am now a better judge of how much a proverbial five-pound sack can hold. This, in turn, helps me focus and complete goals that are important to me—goals that will also become gifts to others. For instance, this week, one of my most important goals is taking the next bite-sized editing step needed toward finishing a family history by Christmas. Another is writing this blog article, which I hope is a gift to you.
- Who comes to mind when you consider the term “accountability partner?”
- Does having an accountability partner help you both set goals and focus on what’s most important?
- If you don’t have an accountability partner, what ways do you envision having one would help you—and that person—meet goals?
- If you have an accountability partner, what are your greatest gifts to one another?
[1] K Christiaens for the GSAS Writing Studio, “Accountability Partners: A Short Guide,” Columbia.edu (https://www.gsas.columbia.edu/sites/www.gsas.columbia.edu/files/content/docs/Accountability%20Partners%20(updated%20April%202023).pdf : accessed 15 Jun 2026), 2 pages, written for academics, but can apply to all of us
[2] “What Are SMART Goals?,” www.michigan.gov (https://www.michigan.gov/mdhhs/-/media/Project/Websites/mdhhs/Assistance-Programs/Childrens-Special-Health-Care-Services/Bullying-Prevention-Initaitive/SMART-Goals-Information-Packet.pdf?rev=dae4094a09b04468a82d65925e702c85 : accessed 16 Jun 2026), 3 pages.